Years pass. Months go by and I don't see you or hear from you. We meet again and it's like we haven't missed a beat. We have an instant rapport. And then you say it. And it hurts.

You describe someone. "He's so gay." You describe the music that annoys you. It's "gay" as well.

You're using an involuntary part of me to describe something that disgusts you, and you don't know it. I know you don't. You wouldn't say these words in front of me. You couldn't. If you knew what to look for, you'd see my heart break. It would break yours, too.

You finish your sentence, and I know that I can't tell you now. You would find yourself standing there with my blood on your words, and I would never wish that.

I bite my lip and give you a fake smile. I choke back my disappointment. Yours, too.

We're brothers. We grew up together, but you don't know me. You wouldn't understand. I don't think I want you to. Maybe you know, and you're as afraid to hear it as I am to say it.

The thought of it makes me tremble. How would it feel to know a 25 year old man is afraid of your opinion? That he's lost sleep over this? I can face a crowd of closed minded strangers with another man's hand in mine, but I'm too ashamed to whisper it to you. The Truth.

I see so much of myself in you. Your wit. Your sarcasm. Your will and persistance. And deep, deep down, we even share the same sensitivity. But we'd never admit that to anyone, would we?

I've seen you cry. Many times. Have you seen me? Could you handle it?

You looked up to me. I can only imagine what you see when you look at me. If I tell you, what would you see then? Or would you stop looking?

I know you have secrets, too. Maybe more than mine. They won't make me love you any less. Can you say the same?

The summers we spent dodging water balloons or in front of a video game... Will you forget them? I was supposed to be your stability. Your Conscience. I did my best, but I think I've failed you.

At the end of the day, we laugh again before you close the door behind me. It will be months before I see you again. I leave your doorstep and unlock myself to the rest of the world.

Without you in that world, I'm incomplete. But you don't know.

It's a secret.